E3 - Friends vs. Friend-SHIPS | Story of the Stolen Passport

Do you ever feel as you get older you have fewer and fewer friends? Part of being a grown-up is creating and maintaining friends.

What is a friend?  What is a friendship?
Is it too late to make new friends at your age?

In this episode, we will chat about:

• How we are hardwired for connection
• The difference between friends and friendships
• What the “friendship regression” is
• “BFF“ the  grown-up redefined
• Hear how Leaha navigated another wild story and hardship that challenged her and reminded her what true friendship looks like as a grown-up and how sometimes people are only here for a season, reason or a lifetime.

Challenge of the week: (Pick 1 or ALL)

• Reconnect with an old friend, keep it simple and check in on them
• Introduce yourself to someone new and strike up a conversation, ask to meet up and get to know each other 
• Check on your current friendships, and show gratitude for your amazing connection. Make it normal to talk more often. Ask more questions. See how you can be the best advocate for one another as seasons change.

// CONNECT WITH US //

Sign up for our newsletter & fun giveaways
https://www.makingbettergrownups.com

Donate on Patreon
https://www.patreon.com/makingbettergrownups

Watch the podcast on YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/@makingbettergrownups

Follow me on Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/hashtagleaha

Transcript

Making Better Grown Ups. Episode three.

(...)

Kawasaki.

(...)

- Whoo! All right. ♪ You can't tell your story wrong ♪ Hair check, lash check, water check, pit check.

(...)

We good. Okay.

(...)

(upbeat music)

(...)

Welcome back everybody to Making Better Grown Ups. I'm Leah Bourgeois. So glad you are here. So let's recap. Last week we talked about the round table.(...) Isn't it amazing that everyone has a seat at this table and their voice matters? And while I am the only voice you are hearing right now, very, very soon I'm excited to hear other voices from all around the country to share incredible messages and testimonies with you. But today the episode is going to be so, so good. This is a topic I think all grownups need to work on and it's friends.(...) Yep, that's right. We all need more friends and telling the difference between what is a friend and what is a friendship. So stick around. We're gonna dive into the world of friendship as grownups. Please find us at hashtag Leah. Yes, that's the word. Hashtag Leah with an A.(...) And at makingbittergrownups.com. And please subscribe, rate and review this podcast on all channels in YouTube. We are looking for your support and feedback.(...) And if you're feeling like you're in the giving mood, please go to Patreon where you can donate to help this show stay on the air and we can bring great stories to you. And of course all of the links are below for you to check out.

(...)

All right, we're back together this week on episode three where we are going to dive into one of, I think one of the most important topics of becoming a better grownup and that is friends.

(...)

Let's go into it. How many friends do you have? Just take a second, think about it.(...) One, three, 10.

(...)

Did you count your Facebook friends? Do you have like 3000 friends?

(...)

I think friends is such a vague term in the world that we live in. And I think it's a status thing too. When you're little, you have like, I have like 15 best friends.

(...)

And recently I had someone call me their best friend. I was like, we're best friends. Because in my mind, best friends has like an agreement. Like there's like a contract, it's virtual, it's in my mind, we signed it, we agreed or something. And so I think just the topic of friendship is something I wanna really dive into with you if you really are willing to be a better grownup. So let's get into it.(...) So I am one of the very, very lucky, blessed, smart, articulate, I don't know, ones in the world because I have the luxury of having three amazing best friends.

(...)

I've had more best friends throughout my life. Some of them have moved into different places or different parts of their life or I've moved out of their life. And then some were taken from my life. But either way, I'm sitting here today at 44 years old and I'm very, very proud to say that I have kept some friendships for over 25, 32 years.

(...)

And man, they are irreplaceable. These friendships have been the cornerstone of a lot of the business ventures I've had, a lot of the mental breakdowns that I've recovered from.

(...)

They've literally been there for me through thick and thin and I can actually say the same. We've done some crazy, crazy stuff together and most of them have helped make this podcast possible. So shout out to my best friends, Lindsey,(...) Bobby and Milad. You know who you are. And of course, my other best friend, my husband, Jeff.

(...)

(laughs) So getting into it,(...) I love what Brene Brown says. She says, "We are hardwired for connection. "You are a human being. "You are not meant to be alone, isolated, "not for very long anyway. "And you're meant to have connection "with other human beings." And what's really important is to figure out where that connection begins. There's actually layers of connection, believe it or not. And it goes all the way back to when you were first born to your family.

(...)

Some of us started off with really positive connections and then some of us maybe didn't have the best connections and we're working through therapy for that stuff, right?

(...)

But then your first family, right? Turns into your second family, which are your chosen friends. And I remember like growing up in first grade, I wanted to be best friends with a girl because we had matching kid shoes. You know, the white flat, no support shoe that had the little blue tag on the back. She had them and I had them and I was like, "You wanna be my best friend?" She said, "Sure." And we became best friends instantly for like two weeks. And then I remember being in fifth grade and asking another girl, "Will you be my best friend?" Because she had a baton and I wanted a baton, but my mom would not buy me a baton. So I wanted to be her best friend so I could go to her house and access baton twirling. That didn't work out very well. And there was some instances in high heels and stairs and slippery floors. But over time I started realizing, oh my gosh, my friendships are changing. And now as a mom, like I'm a mom of three kids, right? So one's all the way grown up and one's right in the middle, that 12 year old age, and all the questions are coming in. Mom,(...) when will I have a best friend? Mom, why doesn't he talk to me anymore? Or why does that girl talk to me all the time? Or why does she say mean things to me? He's really starting to explore what relationship looks like and friends and friendship. And it really got me thinking about not only the weird middle school vibe he's about to walk into, bless his heart. But I'm like, hey, if we can survive the 90s, he can survive anything, right?(...) But it really got me thinking about my role with my friends(...) and how they've played a part in my life and I've played a part in their life and how many friends I've lost,(...) like transitioned out of.

(...)

Or they just disappear and you're like, I don't even remember there was a fallout or a burnout. It was just, it faded.

(...)

And I think that's okay. But it really made me reflect on a deep level of how many people, maybe I should check on and see how they are. Maybe it was on me that I was a fader or maybe it was on them, but sometimes we don't have a definitive reason why we're not friends with someone anymore.(...) Not because they're a bad person or did something so wrong to you. It's just the evolution of friendship.(...) So it really got me thinking when my son brought that up and Brené's, whoop, I love some Brené Brown and that is always stuck in the back of my head about connection. We are hard wired for connection. So I think the pandemic kind of threw us through a loop(...) when connection was changed. All of a sudden we weren't hanging out and going to the club or going to church or doing normal things or hanging out with our children at cookouts and stuff. It was like, no, you stay inside, be safe, isolate.

(...)

And I think it really played a huge part in our mental health and our friendships. And I'm just kind of like winging it here, but I remember during the pandemic, we have friends from all over the country and we made it a promise during the pandemic that we would talk every single week on an app. I'm just not thinking about this. And we would all get on video chat and we would talk for hours, laughing,

(...)

reminiscing, playing games, like virtual games. And we were just trying to keep a sense of community really(...) because the isolation was driving us insane. Being told you can't go anywhere had a huge impact on us, you guys. I think we just have to stop for a freaking minute, slow down and realize what happened to us.

(...)

We all went through something very traumatic and some of us cannot unsee or unfill what happened to us. And I know I'm going off topic a little bit, but I think that a lot of friendship was changed because of that.

(...)

So getting back on track,

(...)

I just want you to keep that in the back of your mind that you went through something traumatic, your friends went through something traumatic and you might need a reuniting reconnection of some sort if that friend meant something to you. There might be a miscommunication or a lack of communication or some undelted with healing stuff that's going on. Check in on your people.

(...)

Check in with yourself, right? All right, I don't want to get too deep, too fast. Y'all now go deep like an ocean.

(...)

All right, so the other part of layers of connection.

(...)

Your cousins are your first best friends for most of you. My cousins were my freaking best friends. We spent so much time in West Texas playing in the dirt, making mud pies.

(...)

My dad had the over the shoulder camera, the 20 pound VCR camera and would just give us the whole damn camera with multiple tapes and be like, go to the back. And we would make commercials and still to this day we have those and we watch those and we laugh so freaking hard. My cousins were my first best friends. They created the framework of the future of friendship to me. And so some people that have a rough start in life with their family,(...) their situation, maybe abuse, we don't know, they have a rough start(...) and it's not the same as my story. So I have to just like honor that and hold space for that. So if I'm telling you my stories through my lens, I don't want you to think it's the only lens that exists.(...) And so as I started really thinking about this, I started thinking and researching. And so I found this awesome guy online on YouTube. His name is Richard Reeves.

(...)

He believes there's this thing going on right now called friendship recession.(...) Yeah, recession. You thought there was enough recession with money and business and all those things that I don't know about stocks and all that stuff, blah, blah, blah, blah. No, he's like, there's a friendship recession. I'm like, okay, that seems intense to me, but it kind of makes sense to me at the same time. Loneliness is super duper, duper, duper hard to admit.

(...)

I don't think anyone's standing up right now going, I'm the lonely one. Here I am.(...) Help me. No, we actually go more inner. We go inner, inner, inner, inner, inner until we're depressed, we're sad, we're isolated. And the pandemic, it just added and doubled down on that.(...) So again, check on your friends, check on yourself. There's nothing wrong with being vulnerable and just calling it out, but you have to be able to go to someone you trust. Most people run to their family,(...) most people, but if you're one of the lucky ones,(...) you have chosen family on top of that that you can run to.

(...)

So also technology.

(...)

Technology, I think, kind of fakes friendship.(...) Like where you're looking at a screen and you're talking to people you've never met and you feel like you are connected to them, but you would never go to them in some way, be vulnerable. Or maybe it's the opposite. Maybe you only feel comfortable with people on the internet that can't see you in person(...) and touch you and hug you and feel you and experience your energy.

(...)

So I think that's a two-way street right there in itself. It's kind of a, I remember like, gosh, when the internet began, yeah, I just said that.(...) When the internet began,

(...)

I actually started in cultivating a relationship with a friend that was in South Carolina.

(...)

And my God, I didn't even know what the internet was. I was in a chat room, a Christian chat room that I was allowed to be in because my aunt was supervising over my shoulder.(...) And we became good friends and like seven years later, actually flew and met a complete stranger.

(...)

Now, later on MTV would like make that a catfish show or something, I don't know, but I guess I was just ahead of the curve. So technology can either bring us closer in relationships or it can make us even more isolated and cut off from the world.

(...)

Also, I kind of think like when you move across the country like I did,

(...)

sometimes we don't mean this. Like people don't go, oh, she moved to Jersey, we can't be friends.

(...)

It's just the rhythm changed, the distance changed, the geographical whatever changed, and I'm just not there. And so sometimes I won't get an invite to a party or a shower or something. And I'm like, oh, that's not nice, but really what it is, out of sight, out of mind.

(...)

Just out of sight, out of mind. It's not that big of a deal. So I try not to take it personal anymore, right? Why would you send someone a card that can't come to the party, get over at Leah?(...) But I think friendship is really the ideal relationship that we're looking for in life because it's not transactional.

(...)

You're just literally choosing to be in the presence of someone else and enjoying them and giving them your energy and giving them your time.

(...)

There's really nothing in it for you really. If you're in a good friendship, it's going reciprocal. It's just energy, it's a vibe, it's a feeling, it's comfort, right? And so what makes it really hard though?(...) Let's just skip to the hard part. We can be all sunshine and butterflies and flowers, owls the day long, but what's hard?

(...)

When we start growing up,(...) we start making excuses. We start making excuses, we're like, well, I've got three children and 20 sports. We are very busy people.

(...)

Or,(...) oh, I got the most demanding job in the world. Oh my God, like I work 16 hours a day and I barely see anybody.

(...)

Okay, maybe it is. I travel and I move around a lot.

(...)

I'm a military person. Or I just like to live in different places of the world. Or I moved really, really far away to Alaska.

(...)

Divorces, this is the ultimate grownup hardship.

(...)

Everybody knows that when you have friends that go through a hard time and they divorce, there's the breakup, not only for them, but for you. And then you have to redefine what that is. Growing up is freaking hard.

(...)

And there's so much stressors, there's so much stressors and the pandemic did not help. So I just wanna give us permission to like slow down, unwind and be still for a freaking second and recalculate.

(...)

Am I happy?

(...)

Do I feel joy?

(...)

Do I have friends?

(...)

Have I isolated?

(...)

And really come back to center for yourself.

(...)

Because guess what? Having friends is good for your mental health.

(...)

It really is going to spark joy. It gives you connections to a part of the world that you don't have and it helps fight sadness.

(...)

It helps fight sadness.

(...)

Now it also causes other emotions, let's go through all those, right? You're putting yourself at risk in some emotional way by adding a friend into your life. But I think if we're gonna talk about friend, we need to talk about friendship.

(...)

All right, so I was meditating the other day. This is new for me. I do this yoga nidra where I thank God my husband gives me space to do this because otherwise, I don't dream up and come up with the stuff I wanna talk to you about. And also I have to rest since COVID. COVID really taught me that energy is really, really scarce in my life. So when I have it, I have to hone it. And then when it runs out, I have to go replenish it. So as I'm meditating and I'm going through this deep, deep sleep, the word friendship, relationship kept flashing in my mind. And I was like,(...) interesting.

(...)

So I broke the words apart. Friend, ship,(...) relation,(...) ship.(...) Interesting.

(...)

I don't understand what ship means.

(...)

Why am I just thinking about this at 44? I don't know. I wake up, I go downstairs and I'm like, hey, Jeff,

(...)

why does friendship have the word ship in it?

(...)

He looked at me and he's like,(...) and he gave me some like little off the cuff thing. I was like, no, no, no, no, no, we go into the Google. We're going to the Google.

(...)

So here's what I learned.

(...)

The root word friend, right?(...) Is just what you think it is. It's a person that you have a relation with.(...) We all have lots of friends. I have like 4,000 Instagram friends and 4,000 Facebook friends. That does not mean I have 4,000 or 8,000 friendships.

(...)

Okay? The word ship means you're in a state of being together. Like you're in a state of wanting to be together. It's reciprocal.

(...)

So just being a friend, that could be social media. It could come from grade school. It could be someone from a job, church, your neighborhood, online, but it's not dynamic.

(...)

And some people can move from friend zone to friendship zone and then back again.(...) It's a choice we get to make, which is really cool. I've never differentiated the difference between friends and friendship. I've always just thought, you're my friend or you're my best friend.(...) That's like a very huge range. But when you go from friend to friendship, it kind of shrinks it down and makes it a little more approachable. I really like that. And friendships, get it, wait for it, can go dormant.

(...)

It doesn't mean you don't love them. It doesn't mean you never love them. It doesn't mean there was a falling out. It just kind of means life happened. But guess what? You could reignite the friend right back. You could DM them. You could call them. You could text them. You could voice note them. And you could decide if you want to have a friendship

(...)

with them. How cool is that?(...) The word that you've lived with your whole life, I know just blew your mind. I know, me too. So let's talk about what a friendship is.

(...)

Friendships are secure, safe, and it's a safe harbor. Don't you like the word harbor? It kind of goes with the ship.

(...)

It's a safe harbor. It's where you go, where two people are giving, compromising, supporting each other's growth, sharing their energy. And I love what Mel Robbins, how she put it, she said, "It's based on connection and passions.(...) It's not based on history."

(...)

So in the current life that we're leading right now,

(...)

I get to choose who's in my friendship zone.

(...)

They might not always be in my friendship zone,

(...)

but I get to choose who's in it. So I kind of like to think of it like,

(...)

this is a terrible analogy. I'm so bad at analogies, because I do not play the sport of darts.(...) But when you think about a dartboard, right, and you're throwing at it, think about how small the center dot hole, whatever aim is. I'm told you, I don't know what I'm talking about, not a sports person. But when you try to throw that dart in that very tiny 100 point hole,

(...)

it is very hard to get in that circle.

(...)

And that's the way friendship should be. It should be very hard to get in that inner circle. But there's so many layers circles, right? Like when you look at the dartboard, it just keeps going out, and out, and out, and out. And I think that there's people all over that dartboard, and it's fine from different times of your life, parts of your life, seasons of your life. And guess what? At any moment, you could take their dart, and you could move it around. But I think we have to be really careful who the friendships are in our life, because they take so much energy, and time, and trust,(...) and you have to cultivate them. You have to create them and carve them out. They're not just existing in space. They're not dormant.(...) So who's in your center circle?

(...)

Are they adding to your life? Are they giving? Are you excited about them? Are they thriving? Are they pushing for more in their life? Are they leveling up? Are you leveling up? Are you a good friendship?

(...)

Some things to think about.

(...)

So with Mel Robbins in the back of my mind,

(...)

best friends flexible.

(...)

I so think that is so much healthier than best friends forever.

(...)

Best friends forever is like pressure.

(...)

When I call you, you better answer. When I say it, you better show up.

(...)

You better be in the wedding, all five of them.(...) It's a lot of pressure. But when you think of it being flexible, it seems like, man, I could really carry this out for a really, really long time. So friendships.

(...)

For me,(...) in my little tiny circle on the dartboard,(...) I have three of them plus my husband.

(...)

We travel together. We share our talents together.

(...)

That's how this podcast is fricking possible.

(...)

I've even been helped financially and helped my other friends financially.

(...)

We always pay each other back in some way, maybe not actual money.

(...)

We connect weekly. Like if you don't hear from a friendship within a week, sometimes I'm like, okay, I need to check in on them, make sure they're good.

(...)

Genuinely, genuinely, you guys, we want what's best for them over ourselves.

(...)

It is magic.

(...)

And my friends,(...) the guys, we've been friends for over 25 years.(...) And Lindsey, we've been friends for 32 plus years.

(...)

And there were years where we did not speak. There were years where I don't even remember how they moved out of the center circle into another part of the dartboard. And I try to go back and like, what? One of them I know.

(...)

But the others I'm like, was it me? Was it them? I don't know.(...) But it's not worth trying to figure it out. What's important is that we kept finding each other over and over and over again. Someone reached out and the other one grabbed the hand.

(...)

Don't ever forget your friendships. Even if you move them on the outside of the board for a little while, for a season,

(...)

don't forget to reach back out. This is your friendly PSA.

(...)

They still love you and might need you. And you know what? You need them.

(...)

So one of the reasons that I brought you here is for storytelling. So let's get into the story that I wanted to share about one of my friendships. Now remember, I only got three friendships at the current time that are very deep and meaningful to me. And so this story is one of those, what? You've gotta be kidding me stories. And a lot of these happen to me. And I'm sure a lot of these happen to you. So as I'm telling this story, I really want you to go in the back of your mind and just while you're actively listening, please, but also think, are there stories in my life like this? Where miraculous, weird things have happened out of hardship.(...) Because every time something hard happens to me,(...) well, the old version of Leah, hard things meant, why me? This sucks. It's not fair.(...) I'm a good person. I do great things. I run multiple businesses. I work hard. I don't deserve this. But this new family who's been working on herself for the last four years, thank you to some great friendships, great mentorship. Ooh, look at all the ships in my harbor.(...) When I had more ships in my harbor, that's when I really started to grow.(...) And that's when I started to expand on how things were happening to me. Not so much why they were happening to me, but what for.

(...)

They're happening for me.(...) That's where my curiosity started to spark.

(...)

All right, so let's get into it.

(...)

My best friend, Lindsey, if you remember from episode one on the podcast,(...) she was the chick. My best friend of 32 years that we flew all the way to Miami for our 32 years of friendship, got matching tattoos.

(...)

You know the story. And if you don't, this is a plug to go listen to it.

(...)

So we turned 30 your friendship a few years ago, but it was a pandemic and we were like, listen, it would be great to take a 30 year friendship trip because we'd never traveled alone. We've had children our whole damn lives, y'all. Like I started at 16 and I think she started at 18. So literally our entire lives we've had children.

(...)

Over the last few years, her kids went to college and now they are all graduated from college, but I did that thing where I had a kid at 30 and at 40. So I'm kind of screwed over here, but it's okay. I'm living and loving my life. So we live very different lives right now where she has a whole lot of freedom and travels all the time. And I have a whole lot of not freedom and don't travel as much. So to get me out of the house and get a babysitter and set up my whole family to be successful for four or five days without me is like, that's hard. But we decided we're gonna wait for the pandemic to go down, go away, cause we were believing that was gonna happen. And we would do our 31 year friendship trip. Now remember, we had never been alone and traveled without a child or a photography gig, or there was some other reason. We were never just alone. So we were super, super, super, super stoked about this. So Lindsay made all the plans. She got a set up to go to Mexico.(...) And I was like, "Ooh, going out of the country, whoa, whoa." I love going to Mexico. It feels like we're going to like a completely different part of the world, even though in Texas, it's just down South.

(...)

So we're planning our trip. Everything is going to plan. I bought so many outfits. If you know anything about me and traveling,

(...)

I love shopping for outfits. I wear athleisure every day, but when I shop, you better believe I've got all new clothes every single time and shoes and coverups, you name it, and a hat, I got it. So I am packed, I am ready. I show up with like the suitcase the size of Texas

(...)

to the airport. And I remember going to Newark and everyone was so super friendly that day. And for Newark, that's kind of weird.

(...)

Usually they're kind of rotten eggs and you're like, just get through this, the air conditioner's broken, the lines are long, whatever. But it was just so smooth.

(...)

And I had my passport and I brought my ID, like my physical ID as a backup, because I thought, you know,(...) do I really need my ID if I have a passport?

(...)

I was like, I'll bring both just in case.

(...)

Put my purse through the thing, put all my stuff through the thing. And I am just going to be real, I carry a gigantic purse that is a name brand that's huge and it's open on the top and it's a luxury brand.

(...)

And it has a clasp. I never clasp it because I have to unclasp it every single time to get to something. So I usually just leave it open. I have my laptop shoved in top of it. It weighed at least 40 pounds, this very nice bag that I have. And I have to shove it all back together after I go through TSA. And the first thing I do as soon as I get out of TSA is I go to the bathroom, I wash my hands and then I go straight to the snacks, yeah.(...) Even though I'm flying first class, it don't matter. I still have to have my own snacks and my own water because they ain't got the good snacks.(...) Let's face it. So I go to the snack stand. There's this place that's kind of hovering in the middle of the airport. It's not like a store. It's kind of like floating, so to speak. I never go to this terminal. This terminal was completely different to me. It was a little foreign. It wasn't just rope memory like where to go. So I remember going to this floating stand and as I talk about this, I'm getting super anxious right now. My anxiety just spiked big time.

(...)

I remember buying some candy, a water and a pack of gum.(...) I threw it all up on the counter.

(...)

I reached into my gigantic purse, remember it was 40 pounds. So I put the laptop outside of my purse(...) and then I put,

(...)

my money was in, this is really embarrassing. I don't even say this out loud, but I had kept like a lot of cash inside of my passport. So open up the book passport. I pull out like a $50 bill and I go to pay cash for this food and drink that I'm going to take onto the airplane.

(...)

This is not like me usually. I don't ever carry cash.

(...)

I don't travel alone very often and I never travel with a passport.(...) So this was all kind of new and ignorant for me. So for the people out there, this is a lesson for you. I remember as I was paying the cashier the money

(...)

and she was making change, a little kid comes in and a man comes with him and they're reaching over me to get to the candy in front of me and trying to, like they're picking up different ones and no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes. And it was kind of awkward because they were in my space. Like there's a three foot minimum, don't get near me, an airport. I think maybe six foot should be the rule since COVID, but they were like in my bubble and in my space. So at this point I realize that felt very uncomfortable. Like my intuition was like, bing. So what do I do? I take all of my cash and I shove it on the inside of my purse and I zip it.

(...)

Cause at this point I felt seen. I felt like they looked inside of my purse. And the only thing worth in there taking is my cash.

(...)

My laptop is too big to take. It weighed 20 of the 40.

(...)

So after I get my snacks, I'm hanging out against a wall. We all know we have to get there early because of all the standards that they have at the airport.

(...)

I'm hanging out, I've got my purse, the gigantic 40 pound purse is between my legs. And I'm not really thinking much about anything. I actually remember just like getting online, social media, checking in, I'm safe, I'm here, going to Mexico with my best friend. I'm actually talking to my best friend and she's like about to get on her flight and we're gonna actually reconvene in Dallas. That's what we're meeting. And from Dallas, we're gonna go fly together. So that's what we're trying to do. Just get to Dallas and get on the airplane. And as I'm standing there on my phone, this man comes up to my left.(...) He has on cowboy boots.(...) He's very awkward.

(...)

And he looks at me and he asked me where I got my boots. Now I have really beautiful, nice boots that go over my knee. And fun fact, when I travel, I don't travel in sweatpants

(...)

and look homeless. I know you may do that. I'm not judging you. I like to dress nice. Remember, I wear athleisure every single freaking day. So anytime that I can travel, I like to look nice with my gigantic luxury bag. Basically a giant red light that says choose me.(...) That's what I'm figuring out. So as I'm sitting there or standing there rather, this man is like talking to me about the weirdest stuff. Where are you going in Texas? Well, do you have other color boots and that same style? And I'm like literally thinking to myself, what the heck is this guy talking about?(...) And I'm trying to look him in the eye because I'm a decent human being.(...) And I'm really not paying much attention to anything. But then they did a little boom, if you're flying a certain class that you need to go get in line. So I was like, well, it's nice to meet you. That was fun.(...) I picked up my big giant 40 pound purse and I went and got in line. And I remember this feeling in my gut

(...)

that something just happened and it wasn't right.

(...)

And as I tell you this, I have that same feeling.

(...)

I'm in line and now I'm carrying the purse on my shoulder. Now the reason I laid it on the ground, you guys, is because it weighed 40 freaking pounds. I'm not lying. And so when I put it on my shoulders, it had indentations on my shoulders because it hurt.

(...)

So I'm holding this 40 pound bag and I called my husband. And I said, something weird just happened to me. And he's like, what? And so I ran him through the story. And he's like, you know what? He's going to Texas. He's probably just some friendly guy.

(...)

He wants to make conversation because everybody in Texas wants to be a friend. And I was like, you're probably right. You're probably right. And I had to let it go because I'm about to get on an airplane and I hate flying and there's already anxiety. So I just like deep breathe. I love you. I'll let you know when I land.(...) I land in Texas. I get to my best friend, Bobby's house, and we spend the night together, go to dinner, and we have the best time. Every time we see each other, he was so gracious to host me in his house with his ET themed bathroom. What's up people?(...) And it was just so much fun to spend time together. Any time with my friendships that we're alone, we freaking maximize that. And so I remember the next morning he had to get to a gig and I was like, I got this. I'm going to take an Uber because I am trendy and cool and know how to get around the city.(...) And I called the Uber. She shows up and she's the most friendly lady in the world, the most luxurious car I've ever ridden in for Uber. And we're talking about her car. We're talking about all of, how much it costs, all the features it had. I don't know. We were in full, like again, we're in Texas. Everybody's your friend.(...) So we're talking in full throttle and she's asking questions about my friend and this trip we're going on in 31 years. That's incredible. And I'm like, I know, I met her when I was 12. And she's just so interested in my story. And I remember getting out and she helped me get my luggage. She's, please, she said, please soak it in. Have the best time ever. You never know when you get these kinds of trips again. I was like, you bet. I grabbed my 50,000 pound luggage

(...)

and my 40 pound purse. And I go up to the outside to try to check in outside. And they tell me, because you're flying international, you'll need to go inside to check your bag. I said, okay, no big deal.

(...)

I walk up to the ticket counter.

(...)

I put my gigantic bag up there. Yes, it was over 50 pounds. Don't judge.

(...)

And I reached into my 40 pound bag. I took out my laptop and began to dig.

(...)

And dig.

(...)

And dig.

(...)

And what I did not find is I did not find a passport.

(...)

I found my ID that was in my wallet as a backup plan.

(...)

And I emptied my entire purse on the ground, on the airport ground. And my husband knows me well. He's like, she would never touch the airport ground.(...) But I did. And I spread everything out on the ground so I could see every single thing. And as I put it back in as a process of elimination, that I did not make a mistake. And at the same time, I have my phone and my AirPod calling my best friend to scavenge the house, to leave his job and go look. Because I only have an hour and a half before my flight.

(...)

He can't find it. It's not in his car. It's not in his home.(...) I am trying to get ahold of the lady from the Uber.

(...)

(laughs) Finally, I get in touch with her. And she's like, it's not in my car. Check outside. I go back outside in 110 degrees. And I am looking, I'm asking, I'm begging every person to look to see if they can find this.

(...)

Very, very important document.

(...)

I'm now calling my best friend who's on the other side, who already made it through, is sitting at a bar, having a margarita, waiting on me.

(...)

And I say, I can't find it. I can't find it. I was actually hyperventilating and crying so hard, she couldn't understand me. And she said, it's okay, just take a deep breath.

(...)

Let's go through everything. And we went through everything all over again.

(...)

I was on the phone with the embassy. That's how serious this was to me. I was calling their freaking embassy and begging to get in. They laughed at me and said, it's a five to seven day wait. You gotta be crazy. You're not going. And then I had the airline people, three people working on delaying my flight by a couple of hours or a day or two, so I could maybe get in touch with the embassy and I could make it. I literally was doing and calling people and doing things I've never done or even heard of before to make this happen. My husband was like freaking out. He's Mr. Detail. Where did you keep it? Did you have it on you? Was it in the purse? And I was trying to go back in my mind and rewind, like where did I put this damn document?

(...)

How could I have been so wrong?

(...)

And that's when my best friend said to me,(...) Leah,(...) you're not supposed to go.

(...)

I was like, what? She's like, you are safe. You are well.(...) You are healthy. There is nothing wrong here.

(...)

I'll go without you. If something changes and you find it, you can meet me there later.

(...)

Well-knowing.

(...)

That probably wouldn't happen, but we hoped.

(...)

So I called my mom and said, mom, I'm in Dallas. I wasn't supposed to see you at all. Would you mind driving an hour to pick me up and take me back to your house?

(...)

Heartbroken.

(...)

I was destroyed inside, you guys.

(...)

For Lindsey.

(...)

Because she'd paid for most of this.

(...)

For me.

(...)

That I had made this massive mistake somewhere.

(...)

And that I left my family in New Jersey up here by themselves to fend for themselves. There was so many emotions.

(...)

And I remember getting in the car with my mom, and I remember getting in the car with my mom, and my mom is a very loving, empathic person. And she's rubbing me and telling me, Leah, it's fine. You're not supposed to go. You're gonna have to trust God on this one. It's really hard because back then, I didn't have the skillsets that I do now to trust God that this trip should be taken from me. I got on Facebook.(...) I went live. I cried.(...) I asked for other people to, I mean, people reaching out with like five million ways to find your passport.(...) But at the end of the day, that day,(...) I had to stop and just say, it's not meant to be.

(...)

I'm not gonna go.

(...)

My grandma had recently been moved behind my parents' house. My dad bought a little tiny home and put her in there. And I really hadn't got to spend much time with her. She always lives six hours away. So I got to see her once or twice a year.

(...)

I moseyed on over.

(...)

She opened the door and she just hugged me. And she said, I'm so, so sorry, honey. I'm so sorry.

(...)

And I said, it's okay. We're gonna make the most of it. It's your birthday. It's your 89th birthday and I'm here.(...) We're gonna have a good time.(...) And in that moment I realized, oh my God,

(...)

I've never spent a birthday with my grandmother ever because of the distance. And she's 89 and there's no one here. It's just me and her.

(...)

And she said, we'll just have a good old time, won't we? I said, won't we?(...) So I went home, put on my pajamas and I came back to her house a few hours later

(...)

and decided to spark my own joy,

(...)

to create my own happiness,

(...)

even though my heart was crushed and I did not understand the why.

(...)

And this funny detail comes to my mind as I'm sitting here talking to you that I didn't even plan to say.

(...)

But because we were going to Mexico,(...) I had brought a gigantic floppy hat

(...)

and I had brought a little tiny sombrero that you wear as a headband on your head.

(...)

And I brought them over and we jumped under Afghans and giant blankets that she's crocheted and we put on those silly hats and we watched basketball on TV and continued to talk for probably three hours endlessly.

(...)

And that's when I realized that she was one of the most important friendships I've ever had.

(...)

And a sacrifice had to be made

(...)

for me to get that time with her.

(...)

So sometimes when things are taken away,

(...)

it's only to make room for something that you really need.

(...)

My grandma turned 90 this year and there were every family member that could possibly be there was there. But the 89th year, I got her to myself with the sombrero on.

(...)

(laughs)

(...)

I shortened my trip when I decided I was gonna go back early and I had to pity on Jeff. I was like, I'm coming home, honey. I'm not gonna leave you there for five days alone.

(...)

So I shortened my trip. I said goodbye to my family. And I hopped back on the plane but the urgency was still there. There was an underlying urgency that I forgot about in the story until just a few minutes before this started. I had a second trip to Mexico planned for business in two weeks. Now what's funny is the year before, I couldn't get my passport in time almost to go on that trip. And now we are year two, same business trip, year later and everyone's like, you're still having passport? I'm like, you're still having passport problems? I'm like, listen, I don't know. I lost it somewhere. I don't know what happened. I just can't put two and two together. And when I got back, my husband's like, okay, let's just go back through it one more time.

(...)

And it hit me hard.

(...)

And this could be me just putting a lot of things together.

(...)

This could be me being right.

(...)

This could be malarkey. I don't know. But there was something, a feeling that happened when that kid and that man reached over me to find the candy bars and then put them all back.

(...)

And I moved my money.

(...)

And then another man that looked almost like him,(...) but with cowboy boots, stood beside me 30 minutes later to talk my ear off about what I was wearing. And then it's gone. The passport's gone.

(...)

Had I been a part of a theft?

(...)

Had someone taken? Maybe I didn't lose it. Maybe I didn't drop it in the bathroom. Maybe TSA didn't drop it between the things when they scanned my purse.

(...)

Was it taken?(...) Oh man, I'm really not gonna get it back now. I'm really not gonna go on my trip to Mexico.

(...)

Two trips taken from me, really? And both to the tropical Mexico? This is not fair, God. Why? What, why?

(...)

At this point, I'm starting to get angry.

(...)

And then after anger comes, hope.

(...)

I sure hope it shows up.

(...)

It'd been five days since I lost my passport or stolen whatever you wanna call it, right?

(...)

We were sitting on the couch, me and Jeffrey downstairs.

(...)

It was Friday, it was 11.58. I remember, I was like, they told me I had to wait five whole days before I could inquire

(...)

because it knew work again, pain in the butt,(...) before I could inquire to see if it was lost or stolen. They have to have time to find it.

(...)

At midnight, I refreshed my email

(...)

and I swear the top email was TSA and something along the lines of, we found your passport was the subject. And I was like, oh,(...) I mean, literally tears, cheering, high-hugging, high-fiving, you name it. It was an emotional roller coaster.

(...)

I'd forgotten all that I had gained, all that I had lost. It was just a miracle from baby Jesus that this had been found.

(...)

And then when I went to read the email, I was like, you know, you can come here and pick it up at any moment, any time. And I was like, oh my gosh, I'm going tomorrow and I'm getting this and I'm going to figure out a better way to carry it next time.

(...)

And I asked them where they found it.(...) They said it had been ditched behind some chairs.

(...)

I was sitting in a row where there was no wall and I was standing with a man against another wall.

(...)

Someone took my passport. I believe it was those two guys playing a game on me.(...) But even though evil came in my life and swept in and took something it thinks from me, it gifted me a whole night and weekend with my grandma,

(...)

the greatest friendship of my whole time who's taught me what friendship is.

(...)

Even though I had to give up time with my other friendships

(...)

and I stress them out,(...) God bless me with that time with her.(...) I wasn't supposed to go. We all knew it. It was very clear.(...) I did make it to Mexico in two weeks to go to my business trip. Woo woo.

(...)

I'm not sure why, but I have to trust God on these things. So when things are plucked from you, instead of freaking out, freezing up and trying to go back and be a detective, I mean, you can do it for a little while, but you can't do it very long.

(...)

It just takes away from the present(...) and what you're really supposed to be doing. So you have to get through those emotions really quickly so that you can look at the, okay, what is this doing for me? I know what it took, but what's it doing really for me? What lesson am I learning?

(...)

So with that being said, my friend with the Mexico, she had the time of her life, kinda. She missed me a lot. We talked every single day.

(...)

And I was so excited when she said, let's reschedule and do this again. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, but no passports involved.

(...)

We decided to stay inside of the States and we went to Miami where we got the matching Lila's tattoo from episode one and everything works out the way it should.

(...)

And the Miami trip is a whole other podcast coming from Lindsay and I,(...) but I'm so, so grateful for the way things worked out. You just have to trust the process, but mostly you have to trust your creator.(...) He does not make mistakes. Something worse could have happened to me.(...) I don't know. And I don't wanna know. I just have to keep looking forward.

(...)

So remember, BFFs,(...) best friends forever. As adults and grownups, it's more like best friends flexible.

(...)

Lindsay held space and grace for me to say, you are well, you are fine, you are safe.(...) Go home, go see your grandma, be with your family. We can do this another day, like no big deal.

(...)

And if I could leave you with parting words from a friend,

(...)

remember you are liked and you are loved by many.(...) You're not an imposter for wanting to have a friend

(...)

or ask to reunite or reconnect.

(...)

In life sometimes,(...) for a friend to be created, you have to ask them to be your friend.(...) You do.

(...)

You have to admit deep down that you need connection.

(...)

You have to put yourself out there.(...) I'm gonna give you a really quick example as we wrap this up.(...) I was on the street, that sounds silly. I was on the streets.

(...)

I was really in my front yard. I was out on the street and this lady was,(...) she was walking rather, her child though was riding this bike around Mabel and they were just having the best time chatting and she was way older than Mabel, but so kind.(...) It's my little one.(...) And so I saw the mom, she's kinda like walking and pacing and I just went straight up to her, introduced myself. Where do you live? You're one straight away? Oh my gosh, are you new? You've been here whatever, a year? Oh my gosh, how do I not know you? Oh yeah, pandemic.

(...)

I immediately just stopped and I said, can I get your phone number?

(...)

I would love to see if we can meet up. You're in the neighborhood. Our kids are getting along.

(...)

Let's do this. She's like, yes, totally receptive. It wasn't weird at all.

(...)

The lady who came to paint my beautiful fireplace spent the better of 10 hours painting my fireplace. We gabbed and talked for hours on and off all day. At the end of the day, guess what? I asked her if she would be interested in ever hanging out with me again.

(...)

And she's like, oh my God, yes. I said, I would love for you to be my friend.

(...)

Notice I didn't say friendship.(...) Best friends, just friend.

(...)

People are begging for it, they want it, they need it. We all need it. So are you gonna be the one that asks

(...)

and the vulnerable one and show them how it's done?

(...)

You are made for this. Be brave.(...) People are waiting on you.

(...)

And just remember, you're taking a risk.

(...)

Some people will be here for a reason, a season or a lifetime,

(...)

but it's never too late to make a friend. (soft music) Friendships don't form themselves.

(...)

It takes two people carving away to make a beautiful sculpture.

(...)

And it always won't be equal.

(...)

Nothing is.

(...)

One of the hardest things you could probably ever say out loud,(...) besides I'm scared,

(...)

is I really need a friend right now. (soft music)(...) Who's in the center circle?(...) Do you have anyone? If you don't, it's time to cultivate. It's time to start asking and put them in the center of the bullseye. Or at least start moving people closer to it. If you have one or two people in your bullseye,(...) as a grownup, you're killing the game.

(...)

Some people move out, some people move in.(...) Some people leave us, some people pass.

(...)

It's a never ending target of sorts.

(...)

But remember, you were loved and you were liked by many. You were needed.

(...)

Who can you ask and connect with or reconnect with this week?

(...)

The world. The world is definitely waiting for you.

(...)

Go make some friends.

(...)

Wow, you guys, what an amazing show we had today. I hope that you learned something and you walked away with learning really what a friend is and what a friendship is. And really take into account if you have any. So thank you so much for coming and spending time with me today. I'm so excited for next week's show. Please remember, we're going to subscribe, rate and review anywhere on our YouTube, our podcast channels. Go leave us some love and some feedback and rate us. We are looking, looking for you. And also you can support us on Patreon where you can give to keep this show alive and working. Thank you so, so much. All of the links are below for you to check out. See you next week.